6 Real-World Scripts to Say No to Holiday Plans (Kindly, Clearly, and Without the Spiral)
Saying no during the holidays is hard, especially if you’re the peacekeeper, the planner, or the “I’ll just make it work” person. These scripts are short, warm, and honest. Each one comes with a tiny ritual, a text version, and a fallback line for when someone pushes.
1) The “Warm No” (love + limit in one breath)
Say this:
“Thanks for thinking of me. I care about you. I’m not able to make it this year, and I hope it’s a lovely time.”
Text version:
“Thank you for inviting me 💛 I can’t this year, but I hope it’s a great day.”
Tiny ritual: Put your hand on your chest while you speak. It reminds your body: I can care and still say no.
If they push:
“I hear how much you’d like me there. My plans won’t change, but I’m grateful you asked.”
2) The “Capacity Check” (when you’re maxed out)
Say this:
“I’m at capacity right now, so I need to pass. I can do a 20-minute call next week to catch up. Does Tuesday or Thursday work?”
Text version:
“I’m at capacity and need to pass this time. Wanna do a short call next week instead? Tue/Thu?”
Tiny ritual: Before replying, check three dials: Sleep / Stress / Spoons. If two are low, you’re a “no.”
If they push:
“I wish I had more to give. I don’t right now.”
3) The “Short & Sweet Drop-By” (ADHD/sensory-friendly)
Say this:
“I can swing by 3–4 pm. If you don’t see me before I go, thank you for having me!”
Text version:
“I can pop in 3–4! If we miss each other, thanks for hosting 😊”
Tiny ritual: Set a gentle phone alarm labeled “Head out kindly” for your exit time. No drama, just a pre-planned wrap-up.
If they push:
“An hour is what I’ve got today. I’ll make the most of it.”
4) The “Tradition Shift” (when you’re changing how you do holidays)
Say this:
“I’m simplifying this year to keep things low-stress, so I won’t be hosting/attending. I’d love to exchange cards or do cocoa over FaceTime.”
Text version:
“Keeping it simple this year, so I’m not hosting/attending. Want to swap cards or do a cocoa FT?”
Tiny ritual: Name your “why” to yourself, rest, money, mental health, and write it on a sticky note. It’s easier to hold a no when you remember your yes.
If they push:
“I know it’s different. It’s what I need this year.”
5) The “Health Boundary” (food/alcohol/recovery)
Say this:
“I’m skipping this event to stay aligned with my health goals. I appreciate your support.”
Text version:
“I’m going to pass to stay aligned with my health goals. Thanks for understanding.”
Tiny ritual: Prepare one neutral sentence + one safe snack to bring to any event you do attend. Regulated blood sugar = regulated boundaries.
If they push:
“This is important to me. I won’t be changing my plan.”
6) The “Drama Diffuser” (for tricky family dynamics)
Say this:
“I’m going to pass this year, but I hope everyone enjoys the day. I’ll reach out next week to say hello.”
Text version:
“I’m going to pass this year, hope it’s a good day. I’ll check in next week.”
Tiny ritual: Choose a safe person for a check-in text and pick your seat with a wall behind you if you go. Safety signals calm the body.
If they push:
“I get that this is disappointing. My answer is the same.”
Copy/Paste Minis (for when your brain freezes)
“I can’t this year, but thank you for inviting me.”
“I’m keeping things simple and need to pass.”
“I have an hour! I’ll stop by 3–4.”
“That doesn’t work for me, wishing you a lovely time.”
How to Make Your “No” Stick (without feeling mean)
1) Pre-decide your limits.
Pick your max events/week, budget, and energy cut-off time. When you decide early, you don’t over-negotiate later.
2) Use the “One Kind Sentence” rule.
Give one warm line (“Thanks for inviting me…”) + one clear line (“I’ll pass this time”). Stop there.
3) Expect the wobble.
A good boundary can feel wrong at first because your body’s used to overgiving. Breathe. Drink water. Text your safe person: “I held my no.”
4) Anchor your yes.
Every no protects a yes: rest, finances, mental health, time with your favorite people. Name it.
ADHD & Anxiety-Friendly Supports (tiny but mighty)
Alarm names, not just alarms: “Shoes on,” “Head out kindly,” “Leave by 6:10.”
Body double your reply: Call a friend and say your boundary out loud once before texting.
Sensory kit in your bag: earplugs, mint gum, fidget ring, protein bar.
Calendar phrasing: Block “Family Time / Do Not Book” so your no has a container.
You’re Allowed to Do Holidays Differently
Your “no” is not unkind; it’s honest. And honesty is how relationships become safer, steadier, and more real.
If you want help practicing boundaries that don’t collapse under guilt (and building a plan that fits ADHD, anxiety, or trauma), we’ve got you.
📅 Book a virtual session with a Michigan-based therapist at Ideal Psychology Group.
We offer therapy from home, virtual EMDR, and neurodivergent-affirming care, and we accept BCBS and BCN.
👉 idealpsychologygroup.com
